You Could Be Happy
by tawnyscrawnylion
Summary: SongFic OneShot // Edward Bella // Enjoy :D


**_A/N:_** _Just a little oneshot I wrote to the song "You Could Be Happy" by Snow Patrol. Takes place after Edward leaves Bella in NM. Both POV.. The line breaks signal a change in POV. Enjoy, please review if you like it! :)_

* * *

_**You could be happy and I won't know  
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go**_

What was I doing? This was the best for Bella, wasn't it? But her face... When I told her I was leaving, how easily she believed me! It broke my heart more than it broke hers. I wished she would have fought. Fought for her, fought for us. But the way she gave up... She didn't even _try_. Was the immense love I felt for her too much for her to handle? Was she _happy_ I had left?

No, she wasn't. I could see her contorted face in my head. I felt a crunch inside my chest. I hurt her, hurt her badly. It wasn't fair. I am a monster. A disgusting monster.

_**And all the things that I wished I had not said  
Are played in loops 'till it's madness in my head**_

I shouldn't have lied. I should have told her the truth. She deserved the truth, and so much more. So much more. Her words rang in my ears like a scream. _You don't want me...?_

I should have explained my decision. I should have told her that I left to save her. To save her life, her humanity, her soul. But she would have silenced me. She would have begged and pleaded and cried, and I would have stayed. No, this was best for my love, my Bella.

But not the best for me...

* * *

_**Is it too late to remind you how we were  
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur**_

I could track him down. I could find him wherever he was. But what would I do once I found him?

I would cry. I would scream and sob and shake. I would remind him of the good times. When he would sing me to sleep in the bed. That time in the meadow, when I'd seen his beauty. I would remind him of the way we could hold each other and stare into each other's eyes without saying a word, and at the same time know exactly what the other was thinking.

I sat on the bed, staring at the blank wall. I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't mourn. Edward was coming back. _Wasn't he_? He had to come back. _Didn't he_? I wanted to sigh. But I couldn't. I wanted to throw myself into my bed and let the tears pour from my eyes. But I couldn't. I tried, but I couldn't. I needed something to show for this breaking in my heart. But I had nothing.. I had nothing..

_**Most of what I remember makes me sure  
I should have stopped you from walking out the door**_

What could I have done? I could have clung to him, not let him go..

Oh, who am I kidding? He is stronger than Superman. He could pry my fingers from his shirt as easily as if I had let them go myself.

I could have said something. Anything. I had wanted to scream at him. _How could you?!_ But I couldn't open my mouth. My throat was dry and aching. I wanted to beat his chest and claw at his face.. But that would only damage me worse, if that was even possible..

I wanted to go back in time. Change what was..

But I couldn't.

* * *

_**You could be happy, I hope you are  
You made me happier than I'd been by far**_

Bella was better off this way. She could be happy. I know she could. Even if it kills me, I will stay away. I will let her live the life she deserves to live, a life without monsters.

I couldn't think about this depression that overcame me. I shook my head, and dug into my memory. I thought about the little things. Like the way she mumbled my name when she slept. Or the way she held my hand as we walked across the school campus. Or the way she smelled in the morning when I picked her up from school. Freshly showered with nothing masking her true scent..

_**Somehow everything I own smells of you  
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true**_

I pulled the crumpled tank top from my pocket and held it up to my face. I moaned. _Bella, la mia cantante_. I let the memories flood my vision, as vividly as if they were unraveling for the first time right before my eyes. I could see her, her adorable clutzy walk across the school campus. I was holding her hand. We were both smiling and happy. I could hear her accelerated heartbeat. I could smell her strawberry shampoo. I could taste her sweet scent on the back of my tongue. And in that split second, we weren't thousands of miles apart. I was in Forks, and Bella was still mine.

* * *

_**Do the things that you always wanted to  
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do**_

Edward is better off this way. All the Cullens are. Edward won't have to treat me like a china doll. He won't have to torture himself to just breathe near me.

They're finally free, free to live their own lives without worrying about me. Free to run without weight, free to play without caution, free to hunt without fear.

My tears finally started to fall. He isn't coming back.

* * *

_**More than anything I want to see you, girl  
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world**_

I need her to move on, to forget. I need her to love, and to live. I need her to go to college, and move to a big city and get a great job and get married and have kids and grandkids and great-grandkids.

I need this for her. But it hurts. It hurts so bad. I turned my head up and screamed at the cold Alaskan clouds.

My chest cracked and I started shaking. I wasn't going back...


End file.
